Tuesday, June 22
Finally back, and man, has it been a week. Kinda different from the previous trips. I mean, look, trip in June, we moved in temporarily into a stylish condo, dad's got a new car... Hmm. New experience. It also dawned to me that I'm already 18, I only have 5 more months to official school end (uni doesn't count), and my birthday's coming. I'm getting older. Oh my god.
Can't really believe things are turning out the way they are. Hmm. You know, Kuching trips always get to me no matter what. I can't avoid that momentary depression that always comes whenever I come back. But thank God I actually felt better this time. I mean, no mood swings... Yeah. Hate that. Can't really control myself. It's weird. I never liked coming back, and perhaps never will, but at least I don't want to let myself break down like every other time.
So glad Ven and Xin came to see me, like take my mind off things... I guess it's good I get a call straight to talk crap. Really helped. Don't feel so moody. Man, I'm weak, but who cares?
I know I'm weak, so I make myself more rational, more sensible, less moody. I know I'm basically just a crybaby, so I blink back my tears everytime, and sniff back. Pretend everything's fine. Nothing gets to me. But sometimes I'm too tired. Simply exhausted. No more games.
And I cry.
Posted by Isabelle at 6:54 pm